This was given to me at the mall today. Lul!!!
Does anyone really get into a relationship with Taylor Swift thinking “Wow I bet this relationship is gonna really work out!”
I just acidentally shipped my kid with my cousins….Don’t ask
All our children will be named after band members or T.V. shows.
Someone you don’t know friend requests you on facebook
“Da fuck are you and why are you trying to communicate with me?”
Someone on Tumblr follows you
“OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU PLEASE COME LIVE IN MY CLOSET!!!”
*sets microwave for 1 minute*
* Quickly runs off to complete a task before your food is done*
*Makes the long dramatic sprint across the kitchen to reach the microwave*
*It beeps just as you grab the handle*
*Sobs on the floor uncontrollably because you have failed your mission*
At first you’re like
Then you’re like
Watching The Walking Dead. *zombie get really close to someone* Me: oh my god oh my god get away punch it spit on it DO SOMETHING!!!!
My mom told me that every time she sees boots like this they remind her of an uncircumcised penis…