Does anyone really get into a relationship with Taylor Swift thinking “Wow I bet this relationship is gonna really work out!”
I just acidentally shipped my kid with my cousins….Don’t ask
*sets microwave for 1 minute*
* Quickly runs off to complete a task before your food is done*
*Makes the long dramatic sprint across the kitchen to reach the microwave*
*It beeps just as you grab the handle*
*Sobs on the floor uncontrollably because you have failed your mission*
At first you’re like
Then you’re like
Watching The Walking Dead. *zombie get really close to someone* Me: oh my god oh my god get away punch it spit on it DO SOMETHING!!!!
My mom told me that every time she sees boots like this they remind her of an uncircumcised penis…
When you get out of the shower do you dry your bellybutton?
Having a terrible day at school and then realizing you have left over Chinese food.
What if I was really their 9,999 visitor and all this time I’ve been ignoring them when I could be a god damn millionaire by now!!!